Mistakes aren't just important, they're valuable

Mistakes aren't just important. And I guess that's the message that a lot of teachers, every homeschooler, heck pretty much every parent has been pushing for years. After doing quite a lot of thinking I feel like we should be reframing the word or the mistake instead of important as valuable. And in my opinion there's a world of difference between those two words. I know every classroom in the country, maybe the world, has a poster.

Mistakes are important. Mistakes help us learn and as educators we say it constantly. However, do our actions truly match what we say? Watch what happens when the adult in the room actually makes a mistake. We recoil, we cover, we laugh it off and we move on quick.

Kids don't learn from the poster, they learn from that. And look, I said mistakes are important for years before I realised the word itself, important, was part of the problem. Here's the uncomfortable bit. Kids don't do what we say, they do what we do. And what do we do as adults when we make a mistake?

Think about the last time you really miffed something up in front of your kids or your students, you know. Maybe you stuffed up the punch line to a joke. Maybe you burnt dinner. Maybe you got a fact wrong and they caught it. What did your face do?

We explain it away, we blame the oven, we change a subject. So a kid hears mistakes are important but watches, mistakes are shameful, from the person they copy, the person they respect the most. Guess which lesson sticks? I was listening to a podcast the other day, they were interviewing Sara Blakely, who's the founder of Spanx. And a part of her story really struck me.

It really showed the value of building a solid culture of valuing mistakes. So when she was a kid, her dad at dinner would sit around the table and each week he'd ask her and her brother, so what did you fail at this week? And if they didn't have anything, he was disappointed. Not because he wanted him to fail at things but because failure meant you'd had a proper go at something hard. Not trying was the only real failure.

Think about what that did. One question asked over and over and failure stopped being something to hide from. Sara says it's the reason she survived years of doors being slammed in her face and she ended up being the youngest self-made female billionaire in the US. All because the culture that her family created. Because of what an adult in her life did on repeat at dinner.

We need to teach our kids that, our students too I guess, that a mistake is the brain's cue to lean in. And that starts with us as adults as the culture builders. I got to see a room where the mistake culture was incredible. So one of the teachers I respect most in this world is a bloke named Pete. If you're watching this Pete shout out.

I was in his classroom observing one day and it came check-in time. So all the kids were gathered around this one boy's table and this kid was doing his explicit share. So walking everyone through the thing he just worked on. He was sharing his thinking, his strategy, you know all of it. And when he was talking I felt this little ripple go through the kids.

So something he'd said. I picked up that he'd made a mistake and I'm there watching thinking you know here we go but this is the thing. No one in that class jumped in. No one laughed. No one giggled.

Every kid waited until he completely finished sharing. And then one boy at the end then he put his hand up and he said and I'm quoting him here I'd like to respectfully challenge what you said. And he told him you've made a mistake. Now neither of these boys got upset. The two of them stood there in front of the whole class and they talked it through.

Sharing their thinking out loud both of them genuinely curious about where that little wrinkle was. And when Pete sent them all off to get back to work you know what the class went off to explore? That first kid's mistake. The whole room dug into it. The mistake was the most interesting thing in the room.

It wasn't the shame of the kid who made it. It was the mistake itself. And that doesn't happen by accident. I mean Pete built this moment by moment over months with his kids. Let's talk about how you can actually build it.

So firstly swap the word. Stop saying mistakes are important and start shifting your language to mistakes are valuable. I know it sounds tiny but listen to the difference. Important is a nod. It's important to eat your veggies but valuable.

Valuable means it's worth spending time on. So you know you stop for valuable things. You pick them up. You turn them over. The word tells everyone in the room what to do next.

Don't rush past this. It's worth something. Move number two. Make real mistakes in front of your kids or your students and narrate what happens after. So not fake mistakes.

I mean kids. Anyone. We can smell a stage mistake from a mile away. I mean the real mistake. So embrace them.

Next time it happens, slow down and let the kids watch you sit with it. Hang on. That's not right. Where did I go wrong here? That 30 seconds of you not flinching, embracing the mistake is so valuable.

The third move. When a kid makes a mistake put the attention on what they do next. So it's not on the mistake itself. It's the move afterwards. You know that kid we've all got him.

The kid who wants to rip up a page screw it up and put in the bin. That's the moment. Slow it down. Go back a step. What exactly tripped you up?

Follow it back. That mistake might be one little tiny wrong turn and understanding it properly. Really digging into the error or maybe the misconception gives a kid a real ownership over the task. Ownership over the learning and that kid who's screwing up their paper. There's another whole conversation there around perfectionism but maybe that's another time.

The fourth move. It's the Pete move. Let's call it the Pete move. Give your kids the sentence. The actual sentence.

I'd like to respectfully challenge that. Teach it. Practise it. Use it on them and let them use it on you. A kid who owns that sentence can question anyone's thinking including yours without anyone taking offence.

That's a whole culture in eight simple words. Whether you're a teacher with 25 kids in the classroom or a homeschool or working with your family or maybe you're just a parent who's trying to build the world's next billionaire Sara Blakely style. Giving your kids the confidence to embrace mistakes really is a culture changing thing and culture comes down to the hundreds maybe even thousands of tiny moments after mistakes. So that's mistakes from both the kids and you. Mistakes become valuable the day you start spending time on them.

So make today that day. Hey listen these videos they're pretty new for me. I'm feeling a little bit nervous about putting them out there but I would love to know how they resonate with you. So maybe leave me a comment or two. Let me know what you thought about this topic and I guess if it got you thinking I made a whole video over here about why the words you're so smart and clever can quietly backfire and it maybe is the perfect one for you to watch next.

Down here is if you want to plan a rich open task with me that we can build for your kids. We're kind of doing this for free on YouTube so check it out down there. Guys it's been an absolute pleasure.

No. Kids can smell a staged mistake a mile away. Wait for a real one, then slow down and let them watch you sit with it: hang on, that's not right, where did I go wrong?

That is the moment. Slow it down, go back a step and follow the mistake back to the one wrong turn. Put the attention on what they do next, not on the mistake itself.

Give kids the sentence: I'd like to respectfully challenge that. Teach it, practise it, let them use it on you. Eight words that let anyone question anyone's thinking without offence.